Finding the Silver Lining in the Impossible

    I know today is supposed to be DIY Wednesday, but I have something else on my mind right now. I am such a planner it is almost a sickness. Jude always jokes that I know exactly what I'm going to eat 6 months from now :) I know exactly how I want my life to go over the next 5 years. However, in a week from today I will be heading down to Iowa City to see my neurosurgeon for an MRI and a followup. If the tumor on my pineal gland has grown at all since last year I know that my Doctor is going to tell me I need brain surgery. If that happens my plans will be turned upside down. I'll be in the hospital for better than a month or more, and I'll have to take at least a semester off from school. But who cares about all that, right? I might need freaking brain surgery. My head will be shaved, I will be put out, they will saw into my head, and I may or may not wake up 12 hours later. UGH that sends shivers down my back. Then once the tumor is out they will do an autopsy on it to see if its cancerous or not. If it is my nightmare is not even close to being over, chemo and radiation to follow. I know this is all a BIG maybe, but these are always the thoughts that run through my head right before I go down to Iowa City. However, there is a silver lining to this. I know, you guys think I am absolutely crazy right now. But trust me on this. I have been given a gift from God with this tumor. I truly do live my life to its fullest, which most people twice my age can't say honestly. You guys all know I travel a lot, I eat a lot, and I have a lot of fun. That wasn't always who I was. Before my diagnosis I was never like this. I did sweat the small stuff, I worried, I was not a very happy person. Now, I know how short life truly is. In one week my life could be completely turned upside down, why would waste any time getting angry at stupid stuff, or worrying about things that don't matter, why would I waste time dwelling on things. No, I WILL NOT! I will enjoy this life God has given me, because if I die tomorrow I know that I have enjoyed it has much as possible. I have no regrets, and thanks to this tumor I am able to live like this. I only wish I would have learned this lesson much earlier. Time is precious I am not going to waste it. I will pray for good news next week, but no matter what news I receive I know that it is all in God's hands.